Ask Karlicia: “I’ve had enough…”

Dear Karlicia,

You know my situation due to past conversations,but it seems to have not gotten better. Both my friends and family members take advantage of my kindness, and it’s beginning to affect me in many different ways,mainly emotionally. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to deal with the backlash of saying no. What can I do?

There will come a time where it doesn’t matter what you seem to do, say, or give …nothing will be enough to please the people you’ve positioned yourself around. When you try to make things better,they will criticize the efforts. When you give to help them, they accept the help all while still finding fault in every little thing that involves you. You will find yourself emotionally drained from giving so much,yet receiving little to no return.

Putting others first in your life can be very tricky and frustrating. Sure you’re being selfless, but it’s not always appreciated. A lot of people take those that are selfless for granted. They get so comfortable with you putting everyone else first that they begin to just automatically expect you to put yourself second. Some even become angry when you put yourself first.

When people’s expectations of what you should do for them begin to be emotionally draining ,threatening to your peace of mind and compromising to your overall wellness,you may have finally reached your “enough is enough” point. It may be time to remove yourself from that environment. Everyone’s not comfortable saying “no” and meaning it, so sometimes it’s easier and a better option to create some sir of distance between you and those that may be draining and/using you. You may not be able to bring yourself to say no, but  the distance created will make being used a little less possible.

Understand that you still have to prioritize YOU in your efforts to be selfless. There still needs to be an element of protecting your own sanity and well being. If you fail to take care of yourself, you won’t be as effective with helping others as you should. Take time for yourself,no matter how mad anyone gets. And yes,those that you always do for will get mad,so prepare yourself for that. People that are used to you going out of your way to do for them eventually feel that you’re obligated to do so,and they tend to get upset when you stray from that. Don’t let that sway you from putting your wellbeing at the top of your priority list. Don’t just be kind to others, be kind to yourself.

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